On the eve of my last birthday I wrote a post- Fifty-five Things I've Learned in 55 Years. Well, Babycakes. June is here again. There's another candle on the gluten-free cake. And fifty-six things I want to talk about. Or more accurately, remember. To remind myself. Because at my age? Remembering is an art not a science. So write this down. It's important. You know what they say.
Here today gone mañana.
56 Things To Remember
1. Make a To Do List. That way, when you find it in the bottom of your purse next month, you'll have something to read while you're standing in line buying tube socks. Which by the way, was never on your list.
2. What's done is done.
3. Breathe. I'm serious. Take a deep breath now. You don't want to get schpilkis.
4. You are not what you eat. And you are not what you don't eat, either.
5. Some people are velvet hammers. They slipcover their will with flattery and soft persuasion. And some people are just hammers.
6. You always feel better after taking a walk.
7. Momentum is not a reason to get married.
8. It's not the thought that counts. Whoever said that was one cheap bastard.
9. There is no self. So whose schpilkis is this? (See thing 3.)
10. Opinions are only sometimes interesting.
11. The truth is out there. But sometimes the truth hurts.
12. It's really not about you.
13. Give up soda. You'll lose six pounds in a year.
14. There are certain people who bring out the best in you. Just being around them raises your game, makes you a better version of yourself. Stick close to them.
15. Diet is a four letter word.
16. Estrogen is a mind altering drug. Ovaries should come with a warning label.
17. Drink more water.
18. Introversion is not a pathology. We simply value content. And the time and space to think about it.
19. Toss out dried herbs and spices after a year. If you've had 'em that long, Darling, they're a pale imitation of their original selves.
20. Control deflates love.
21. Possible side effects include stomach pain, headache, flatulence, sudden drops in IQ, and the proclivity to insert one's foot in one's mouth.
22. If your gluten-free bread collapses, you've used too much liquid.
23. Crow's feet are sexy.
24. Eat more quinoa. It's easy. It's vegan protein. And it's good for you.
25. Posing for pics, don't face front forward. Turn your shoulders and hips to one side. Unless you've just eaten a huge bowl of guacamole.
26. Use the slow cooker year round- not just in winter. In summer it helps keep the kitchen cool.
27. The most potent sexual organ is your heart.
28. Baking bread makes a house feel like a home.
29. Don't believe the hype.
30. Just be yourself. You'll save us all time.
31. Moisturize your ear lobes. When you're sixty, you'll thank me.
32. Limit your exposure to haters. Hate is contagious.
33. Buy yourself flowers. You're allowed.
34. Leave room for improvisation.
35. Changing your mind demonstrates you actually use your brain.
36. Be a person not a brand.
37. Let go of those who whittle you down, little by little, to fit you into their smaller experience of the world.
38. If you haven't worn something in a year, donate it.
39. With each new blog post, painting, photograph, song, book, movie or poem, you'll run the risk of losing half your audience. See thing #12.
40. Some days it's hard to be a human being.
41. Simmering cinnamon sticks, orange peel and cloves is better than any air freshener.
42. Trying to fit in rarely works out. You can try it on for size, but the chafing will leave a mark.
43. Air fresheners don't freshen the air. They make your house smell like the air freshener aisle at Ralph's.
44. Don't bother matching accessories. No one cares.
45. Putting a box of baking soda in the fridge does nothing but take up space.
46. Don't ask. Just don't.
47. We all have our quirks and foibles.
48. Every vice has its virtue.
49. If you're attracted to a Bad Boy it's likely a sign you're too dutiful and diligent in your life.
50. Toast and tea can save you.
51. Ridicule is easy. Creating is hard.
52. Yesterday's solution is today's problem.
53. Know thyself. So someone else can see you.
54. Taste the edible flowers, scattered in the salad days.
55. Be here now. Unless you're planning on bi-locating.
56. In the end? It's all good.
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